The kindness that is my weakness

For as far back as I can remember I have always been described as nice, sweet kind etc. Now this would be all well and good if people actually treated one the way they were treated!
I have the uncanny ability to find the biggest A-holes who take kindness for weakness and friendliness for naivety!!
You know the kind little old lady that you offer to help her push her grocery cart to her car and she not only asks you to load her car but can you please place the heavy stuff on the bottom and watch her eggs because she wants all twelve when she gets home!
Then there's the boss who talks crazy to you because you have enough home training to address him as sir unlike the rest of your fellow employees who address him as "informally" as possible If they even address him or acknowledge him addressing them!!
My personal favorite are the disrespectful people (and you know who you are) who think that just because they breathe oxygen means the rest of the world are supposed to cater to their whims no matter how ridiculous the request is. for example I had a Perfect stranger see me at a gas station and ask me if I could give her a ride. When I ask her to what location she gets an attitude like I asked her for the ride and snaps "Well if that much of a problem, I'll just walk!" Now any normal person would have gotten in her car and said "cool I guess that problem is solved!" Not my dumb butt I say "Well where are you trying to go?" She replies "just up the street" I quickly let guilt take over and tell her to jump in and I'll get her to where she needs to go. She is Right, it is right up the street, at least after you get off of 94 jump on 35 south drive about 20 minutes exit onto France ave and drive up the street 6 more blocks!!! By this time I have used up the $20.00 worth of gas I had just pumpehd, I'm late picking up the kids from school and my Sweetie is on the phone with the FBI thinking I've been surely kidnapped! My passenger however skips out of the car without as much as a thank you!
Someday I am going to learn the art of no and be a professional A-hole myself but until then, what can I do for you today??

Angels in wrecked Reeboks!

I am reading this book for my Sociology called Wilding in America, and although I have only read several pages I am already so angry and frustrated! The book talks about people's prejudices, perceptions when it comes to other people. I would think that at some point in our culture that prejudice of any kind would finally be out of style. However, that's the beauty of bigotry, it runs rampant no matter your ethnicity, financial status or neighborhood! Much to my discomfort I must admit that I have my own stereotypes as well.
Of all the people that I have met in my life, the people who have reached out a helping hand to me in my time of need, have been people who they themselves have little or nothing. People that other people might give a wide berth as they pass by them with their nose in the air.
This is something that I have learned. Angels do not just pass their time flying randomly in the air flitting from troubled soul to troubled soul. Often times they walk here among us wearing shoes that we ourselves would deem to dirty or tight to wear. This makes me think of a song I used to hear when I was growing up, the only part I remember is this part, " What kind of church would my church be if every Christian were just like me" I know if they were like me we'd be in big trouble because I fall short on an hourly basis! According to God he made MAN in His image not just SOME man. This is something I will try to remember the next time I am to busy or think I look to good to spend some time chatting with a random stranger on the corner.

The Brighter Side Of Everything

I have heard of our world being described as everything from a zoo to a garden, personally I think it's more like a sea!! I say this because I feel like I am surrounded by crabs!!! Negativity is everywhere!! I myself enjoy playing a few tunes on my violin of self pity but for the most part I'd rather look at the brighter side of things that is just as easy to find if one looks as hard for it as they look for something to be unsatisfied or unhappy about!! Anyway for every hardship in my own life whether of my own making or not I have found one thing to be true that my dwelling on it doesn't change what happened! It doesn't change how much it hurts! Choosing to look at the brighter side does help one to heal and can even stop one from dwelling on something so much that they react in a way that can devastate their circumstances even more. I love the bright side. It 's the warm sunshine in this world of reality that can warm the coldest and scariest of situations. I will be forever convinced that I would be locked up either in jail or a mental facility if I chose to look at everything as a personal vendetta from a person or God. I will end this tirade with this simple point by saying this...While you fester over what someone has done to you and let it keep you up and preoccupy your time the one who wronged you is at home somewhere sleeping peacefully and not giving you a second thought! I wish I would have realized this in high school! :-)

The Gratitude of Tech-less wonder!!

I will be the first to admit that ever since highschool the wonders of the modern on-line communication has never interested me. I was more of a write it down on paper and read a book type of girl..........and then I went back to school!! I was forced to communicate via E-mails and texts and found that I actually enjoyed it!! As I spent day after day in school I begin to un-lock the mysteries of the wide world of the internet!! First I discovered Twitter via my Iphone and thats how it started, then facebook followed with its evil addictive power known as farmville! I dabbled a bit with Myspace but it held no real interest for me and soon I was reaching out for other forms of communication vessels......and that is when ......as chance would have it that my friend Mike introduced me to Blogger!!! Now I'm twitterpated, bloggbuggabooing facebooking fool!! And all this is only after two months, who knows what the next couple of months willl hold!! Consider yourself warned!!!!

My Most Precious Gifts

Iam going to start today's blog with a poem I memorized when I was still in highschool and it has got me through a lot things by putting things in perspective.

Title unknown by author unknown

One by one He took them from me
All the things I valued most
until I was empty handed
every glittering toy was lost
And I walked Earths highway in my rags in poverty
Until I heard His voice inviting, lift your empty hands to me
And I lifted my hands to Heaven and he filled them with a store
Of His own trancendent riches until they could hold no more
And then I comprehended in my stupid mind so dull,
That God could not poor riches into hands already full!


I love this poem!!! It has made me always remember what's important in life. I was given the most precious treasures a person could ask for. Six beautiful children who are healthy and are my reasons for getting up when life gets too difficult! Thank you Father and Happy Birthday!!!

Why Is Color So Important?

For as long as I can remember I have asked myself this question! As you know from my other posts I have become painfully aware that color plays a part in ones ability to be accepted just as weight and finincial status can. I notice that the same shade can be placed on two different people but there can still be a big difference in how they are accepeted! My case in point... In 9th grade phy ed, one of the prettiest girls in our class approached me, she had long brown shiny hair and really pretty blue eyes, andyway it was a beautiful day outside where we were have track and field day so she challenged me to a "tanning" contest. We compared our shades and at the end of the class we'd campare again. Well I wasnt really trying to tan quite honestly I ran for shade every chance I got because heaven forbid I get any darker. At the conclusion of class my classmate found me under a tree and we compared skin shades, sure enough she had won she was at least 3 or 4 shades darker than me. I smiled to myself well if the prettiest girl in class is darker than me then certainly this obsessive name calling would stop. Wrong! My classmate got comments like " what kind of tanning lotion did you use?" "Wow! you look great, I wish I could get that dark without burning!" I got the following comments, "The black water fountain is outside!" and "Hey Leah, They let slaves off the plantations or did you escape again??!!??" Wow! My Sweetie is really dark complected and he has told me numerous times that the darker you are then some people treat you like yur subhuman. If I wouldn't have gone through what I went through I would have found his statement far fetched! I dont sadly I see it in action everyday. Black children with light skin are praised for their "high yellow" coloring and "good hair" while dark children treated like they are already mess ups and are always told how nappy their hair is. For the record I have seen light skinned kids with nappy hair and the explanation is this," well you should have seen it when they were younger they had butters!" I have come up with my own answear to the question I stated and here it is in all it's simplicity. We as people are obsessed with sorting and putting things in their proper order making sure everything recievec it proper label! We tend to gravitate toward things or people that most resemble us and if they are different we decide that they are different and we are the norm instead of vise versa. So in a desperate attempt to keep order we quickly place a negative label on the guilty subject and toss it aside and with it stripping it of it's worth in our own eyes. Then when we cross paths down the road we have the nerve to question its negative outlook on life. Shoot why does such and such always have to be so touchy and sensitive!!! Hmmmm I wonder.... well this is quickly taking a turn toward a rambeling rant instead of making my point which is. QUIT SORTING PEOPLE WE ARE EXACTLY AS WE WERE INTENDED! EMBRACE THE DIFFERENCES! YOU MAY BE SURPRISED BY WHAT YOU LEARN!!! ok Im done.

Just Another Day In ISS

When I was in 9th grade I managed to get ISS(In School Suspension)once every other month for skipping school and if you have read any of my other posts then you know why I skipped! Anyway, I had gotten this really pretty jewerly box with a mirror inside of it and I kept in on the top shelf of my locker. There was a girl in my class who was always going to and from juvie allthe time and I happened to luck out and ended up being one of her favorite victims. I dont really remember what had started that days tangent but she was on my case all day from the moment I stepped off the bus. I had managed to just ignore her and keep my distance and then after lunch all Hell broke loose!! I went to my locker and opened it up to find the inside of my locker smeared with black grease and my jewlery box smashed all over. In white out was written nigger, afro girl and black bitch. As I stood gazing in my locker I heard a loud snickering on my left and when I looked over I saw the girl with her little entourage of outcasts looking my way laughing. Suddenly something inside of me snapped and i saw red! I threw my books in my locker slammed my door and angrily strode to where this girl was standing. Forgetting for the moment of her reputation for assaulting people I snatched her up and slammed her against her locker. "stay away from me and my locker" I screamed, "Im sick of your shit" Just at that moment I felt someone pull me and shove me to the side, I whirled around to find myself looking at a teacher. The teacher asked the girl if she was alright and then asked me why I was attacking another student. I forced myself to slow down and then I let him look inside my locker. The teacher asked if I could prove that she did it and as I lamely admitted that I couldnt I was wondering where this teacher had been while she was taking her time destroying my locker and its contents!! I tried to plead my case with the principal but I was sent to ISS. This girl never did get in any type of trouble. Now when I was younger all these little episodes seemed so unfair. Now that Im older they still seem a little unfair but I understand that they made me the person that I am today. If I hadn't gone through then I probably would not have the empathy for others that I have and I would have missed out on alot of great friendships just because I was only aware of my own feelings! I dont see it as unfair anymore I see it as neccessary. Sometimes some of us have to go through some serious issues to soften us so we will be open to others who so desperately NEED a friend. If I had a choice I would experience it all again rather than become someone who is shallow and oblivious to everyone else around me who is hurting or have great personalities hidden behind pain. Thank you to the ones in my life who really took the time to get to know this nut case!